Jesus Christ (Phil Caracas) has returned—this time in modern-day Canada. Here, he goes about his daily routine, which includes healing the sick, practicing kung fu, skating, singing, and dancing. But as always, life is no walk in the park for Jesus. Vampires are terrorizing the streets, specifically targeting lesbian women. Soon, Jesus meets Mary Magnum, one of his female followers, dressed in a red PVC outfit. She gives him a makeover, and together they prepare for some serious kung fu action against the undead.
The first testament says “an eye for an eye.”
The second testament says “love thy neighbor.”
The third testament… kicks ass!!!
With a title like this, what could possibly go wrong? Unfortunately, it takes more than a great concept and a fun script to make a good film. A budget also helps—something this film clearly lacked, as its meager CA$100,000 was hardly enough for a project of this scale. In other words, this is the ultimate low-budget film, and the execution suffers on almost every level. The acting is terrible, the audio is so out of sync it’s almost surreal, the effects are laughably unrealistic, and the kung fu scenes are choreographed in the simplest way possible.
But here’s the thing—the filmmakers knew this, and they leaned into it to maximize the humor. The movie is completely ridiculous, and you’ll likely find yourself laughing the entire way through.
Shot over weekends for nearly two years, this was clearly a passion project. The team behind the film is the same crew that made the Harry Knuckles movies, and while they have much more on their filmography, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is the one that sticks out in their works.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter fails on almost every technical level, but because this was intentional, and because they managed to turn their limitations into strengths, what we’re left with is an entertaining piece of low-budget filmmaking. For those who appreciate a good B-movie, this one is definitely worth checking out.
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